100 Ways

Deliberately park across your neighbour's drive, if you stay home
during the day park just as they are about to go to work.
*
Plant conifers so tall around your perimeter fence that your
neighbours never see the light of day again.
*
Constantly ring domino's pizza to your neighbours, don't skimp
on the order.
*
If you can't find a bin or a toilet nearby simply use the land
next door to you, your neighbours won't mind especially
if they are out.
*
Create a gate for yourself in their back fence.
*
Build a fence in the middle of their garden and claim half of
it yours*
*
Go to the nearest sub-station and disconnect everyone but
your neighbours supply
*
Invite your friends who happen to be thieves and vandals
into your neighbour's house.
*
If the Police are after you give them your neighbours address,
you might hear a banging door at 7am.
*
Send your neighbours so much mail, and bags of paper, including junk mail and
catalogues that it clogs their letterbox and hallway.
*
Cover your neighbours windows with either fliers or plastic
bin-liners.

Keep up with them if they're the Jones's by buying everything
they do but one model better.
*
When they get a builder round invite him round to your house
so that they get charged extra for his time.
*
Offer to build them a free conservatory in replacement
of their house, they return home to find nothing but
a conservatory.*
*
Offer to walk all the neighbourhoods dogs and let them loose in
the garden.
*
If you have Sky Digital and they do too, take your Sky remote
and point it through the window and change their channel
to Television X.
*
Frame your next door neighbours', shove a CD player on full
blast in their garden and then call the police about the noise.
*
Buy an expensive hi-fi and face the speakers into their wall,
buy a timer switch and activate it at 4am, and buy some earmuffs
for yourself.
*
Get a dog and train it to bark at almost everything.
*
Paint your house magenta and open it up as a red light
district. Sign it as Burlesque House.
*
Burn all your rubbish on a garden fire, and build a funnel
to redirect the smoke into their bedroom window.
*
Phone up a local estate agents and try to sell their house,
before they can come and check the details, steal a for sale
sign and plant it in their front garden.
*
Advertise items you know your neighbours own in the local
newspaper, look in the directory to find their phone number
and list the items.
*
Fake the murder of your partner and call the police to spoil
their daughters 18th birthday.
*
Buy some cannabis from abroad or Ebay and plant it in your
neighbours allotment patch, soon the only prize will be
the fastest bobby.
*
Ring around all the cold callers and double glazing firms your
yellow pages is stuffed with and give them your
neighbours number and email address if you know it
or have stolen it.
*
Paint their garage door pink in the middle of the night.
Hire a painter to do it and foot them the bill.
*
When a Jehova's witness comes knocking claim your neighbour
is interested and you have seen them with copies of the
watchtower.
*
Claim your neighbour is a wild animal tamer or collector
and they will receive wild ferocious animals through Parcel
Force and order them a load of pet snakes, not exactly like pets
either.
*
Write a letter pretending to be the council claiming that
a motorway is about to be built through their house within
72 hours, even hire some JCB's from the local builders yard
to make it look realistic. Don't be surprised to
see a for sale sign.
*
Hire a skip or even buy it and put it outside their house or drive
and fill it with hazardous waste.
*
Sell their stuff on Ebay
*
Listen to your hi-fi downstairs from upstairs
*
Buy a sprinkler system that is aimed in a drive direction,
not yours.
*
Put the word round that your neighbours is involved in animal
testing and distribute leaflets at a green fayre, add that they
are chopping trees down as well in their back garden, when
in reality they are just chopping your conifers.
Orgainse a protest and with the protest group organise
a raid on your next door neighbour.
*
Put a halfpipe up your neighbours garage and wear a tony
hawk's jacket everyday and use it claim the park is crap.
*
Train your cat to go in next doors garden.
*
Have a garage sale everyday but with items from wholesalers
so you are a shop. Sell illegal but hard to get items so you attract
crowds from miles around.
*
In the middle of the night sneak in to your neighbours houses
and cut the leads from the lights
*
Send some surveryors round claiming they are doing a survey
into subsidence, and/or toxic waste or landfill gas.
Back the subsidence story up by digging a hole in your garden
where you don't need a world atlas to see China.
*
Train your dog to dig up buried treasure items, fool him
to think that his bone is in next door's yard.
*
Throw westlife CD's at your neighbour's west wall.
*
Send so many e-mails to your neighbour it overloads their computer, when they come to you to help about how their computer
got that way say you're too busy. If they ask you what you are doing say you are sleepwalking.
*

100 ways to wreck a CD

Build a Playstation 2 based on a toaster.
*
Build a CD Jack in the box called CD in the box, once it's
finished it propels the CD into the air.
*
Tape a load of CD's to car tyres in grand prix races just before
flag down on ITV1 coverage.
*
Start a new clay pigeon shooting range with CD's.
*
Put a load of CD's that you hate onto your pool table,
hire a load of rubbish pool players. And when they fail
to take a shot the CD will take it instead.
*
Take a CD player apart and insert a pin where the laser should be.*
*
Put a CD storage system label on your toaster.
*
Put a CD storage system label on your microwave and claim
that the digital display is the track time.
*
Stand by the edge of a cliff and watch it fall.
*
Tape a load of CD's to yourself and go wrestling.
*
Build a nest with food to attract some woodpeckers
wait for spring and tape some CD's in and listen to
the results on the resulting David Attenborough documentary.
*
Hang the CD's on the antlers of a deer at the start of rutting
season.
*
Take a red CD to a spanish bullfight.
*
Get a bunch of NOW albums and stick them across a dartboard
claiming that their numbers indicate the score.
*
Use them to test the sharpness of your ice skating blades.
*
Sign your name on them with a knife to show you own them.
*
buy an etching kit and practise on a CD
*
Record Westlife onto a CD.

100 Ways to annoy drivers
*
Take some red tint paper with you for easy traffic light travel
*
Form a conga line of cars on the M6*
*
Pull up a few road signs and reverse the direction on them.
*
Place a massive plasma tv screen in front of a stretch of newly opened motorway and show an image of
continuing motorway when in reality it should be showing off a cliff.
*
Get roundabout signs and flip them all around, now that would be an Asda delivery but certainly not to the supermarket.
*
Deliberately drive backwards to get where you want to go.
*
Drive along the hard shoulder in a motorway queue and undertake a few drivers, you might have to watch
out for flying cones and if you stop flying fists.
*
Park your lorry in a convoy on the M4
*
Make new laws that each type of car has to go in its own lane, eg a vauxhall lane and a ford lane.
*
Set up a gypsy travelling camp on the banks of the M4.
*
Build a motorway service station across the motorway so that motorists have to stop at the service
station as there is no other route.
*
Have diversions pointing to the opposite side of the road cousing them to have to dodge the incoming
traffic.
*
Go out onto your streets and have a cone party on New Year's Eve, pick an A road.
*
Unofficially pedestrianise your local town centre, closing all the roads.
*
Dress up in a cops uniform and direct traffic to the blocked up motorway
*
Test drive a car from your local showroom and make the test drive permanent.
*
If you are a car company design a car that takes up nearly the two lanes of the road, sell it cheap so
it becomes very popular and soon all the roads of the country will need to be widened.
*
Do bungy jumping off a bridge over a motorway
*
Book a taxi but don't tell them exactly where you are, just say you're wearing red, then it'll be a taxi
puzzle. It will turn out similar to Crazy Taxi.
*
Make a diversion sign diverting people upwards
*
Design a car which brakes better than it goes forward and with an added sixth gear.
*
Park a helicopter upside down on a motorway cousing the tail end of it spin repeatedly dragging cars
around with it.
*
Get a TV installed and watch it as you drive, if you're watching The Weakest Link you really will be
the weakest link, if you are watching who wants to be a millionaire, you'll need to be a millionaire to
pay for the repairs, if you're watching a film you've just created the greatest screen chase in
history, if you're watching the news, it's live and it's you.
*
Attach hammers onto your wheel to cause a trail of potholes wherever you drive.
*
When you are going on holiday, tie your suitcases on the roof as loosely as you like.
*
Swap over the destination signs on the M6, Swap Glasgow with London, and Birmingham with Manchester and Liverpool and Blackpool and you'll find a lot of pissed
off Scots stuck in a traffic jam in London.
*
If you work for a garage or a repair company, rewire the steering wheel so that left is right, and you
guessed it right is left.
*
In a racing car wire up the brake to the turbo, then F1 coverage will be very interesting.
*
Add unauthorised hydraulics to the car and wire them to the pedals and steering wheel so the car will
be a jumpy kind of stationery.
*
Design a motorway to go in a circle that goes nowhere.
*
If you're a road planner deliberately terminate a motorway in a car park so that it leads nowhere
but don't make it a service station.
*

100 Ways To Get Fired.

Say you don't want to work Mondays...to Fridays or even Sundays to Sundays.
*
Say you'll come in when you feel like it.
*
Invite your boss to a party dress up as Bruce Forsyth and then put him under a gunge tank.
*
Insult his physical apperance saying that a gargoyle would have been a better employer
*
If you work in an office, park your car inside the building in your rivals office.
*
When your boss comes in start jumping around the table, and only when your boss comes in,
*
Make every weekend a 4 day weekend.
*
If you one of the spitter types when you talk, have a word with your boss whilst you're eating, you might be fired by the health and safety team.
*
Hack into your own worksystem and close off the lights.
*
Write a memo to the boss claiming he should fire that guy naming yourself.*
*
Put a water machine inside your boss's office so that every time he turns it on he's drenched instantly
and you're fired just as quickly.
*
Hang your boss as a display on your office door and mark numbers like 180 and 50 on it.*
*
Do better work than the boss and claim your better than they are.
*
When your boss asks you to do some work say "talk to the hand", because "the ployee isn't listenin'"
*
Type into one of them translator machines, go away and have it playback in your boss's prescence.
*
Wear glasses that show your eyes are wide open and sleep on the job, set your alarm for 5 o clock, then
yawn and go home
*
If you work for a bank take your work home with you.
*
If you work in a power plant, turn the city off except for your house, and then run a few hundred
kettles, charge neighbours for your electricity whilst theirs is shorted.
*
When your boss is walking by, insert his work into a nearby paper shredder.
Call him over and ask him to witness this.
*
Leave work everyday by the fire escape.
*
Clean your boss out in a game of poker.
*

100 Ways to avoid mail.
Install a paper shredder into your letterbox, and then instead of the letter drop you'll just hear
a faint whirring sound every morning.*
*
Insert part of your printer which makes the paper go in one end and out the other so that it comes back
on the postman.
*
Board up your letterbox.
*
Fall out with the postman so that he keeps your best letters, give him a tip in this case a bill.
*
Blacklist yourself at the sorting office.
*
Redirect mail to your neighbour by planting your house numbers on his, confusing the hell out of the
postman.
*
Get a professional artist to paint your house as a camouflage to the sky, including the drive and back
garden, so that the postman won't think the house is anything more than a patch of land.
At night it will look like daylight on the street.
*
Secretly swap all your neighbours house numbers.
*
Put a satellite dish up over your letterbox.
*
Put your extremely vicous guard dog in your post box.
*
Attatch a lightning conductor to your postbox in a storm, then your postman will walk off in a huff, if he can walk.
*
Exchange your post box for a bin.
*
Have your post box lead into the ground.
*
Wire your letterbox up to the mains, and make it activate on paper.
*
Kidnap every postman that comes to your door.
*
Become a postman and get allocated to your own round, and then bin your own mail.
*
Insert a comedy boxing glove inside the letterbox so that letters get re-gurgitated into the street and so that the postman gets a bollocking from his own letters, he will
feel as angry as Chris Eubank.
*
Make your mailbox as high as a lamp-post and board up your regular mailbox.
Put your new postbox at the top of the door so that the postman will have to jump up like a lapdog to
reach it.
*
Stand at the door in the morning with scissors cutting the mail as it comes through.
*
Place a sniper at the top of your house to shoot the mail out of his postmans hand.
Put a warning sign up about the sniper.
*
Make a mechanism that makes the sound of a vicious dog barking every time he opens the post-box, make sure it sounds authentic.
*
Glue newspapers into the letterbox so that the postman thinks he can push them in and then post his mail through, little does he know that there is glue all around the box and the papers and that not only will his mail get stuck so will the delivering hand.
*
*Make a big hole in the floor so the mail falls into the cellar, make a little fire in the center of the cellar floor.
*
Put a spray-can in your mail-box so that every time it is opened the mailman is sprayed in the face by green paint.
As he walks down the street, residents will think they've seen Shrek in real-life, some will run off screaming while others will go to get their autograph signed.
*

100 Ways to get thrown out of a supermarket
Walk in wearing a T-Shirt with the slogan Tesco will pay the Asda Price and Asda will find there's Something different in their store and Somerfield will find
that every little helps in a food fight after a store war.
*
Change the signs on the offers like "Buy one get one free" to read something like "buy one, pay for two".
*
Take a Game Boy Advance game off the shelves and play it round the store on the Game Boy Advance you've
bought, then discard the box and then attempt to pay for just the cartridge.
*
If there isn't a pyramid of cans already, improvise and build one with stock from the shelves. And then
insert a sign on it saying “buy the bottom ones get the top ones free”*
*
Hold an unofficial trolley race, with one trolley for each participant at the top of each aisle, you
might think you're racing to see who can clear the aisles the fastest, but instead it'll be between who
gets kicked out by Steve the security guard first.
*
Open your purchases and chuck the wrappings into someone's else trolley while you're at the till.
*
Park across the storefront.
*
Do all your shopping and then flytip it around the supermarket car park.
*
Vandalise the till and then claim you can't pay because it's broken.
*
Load up 10 trolleys stuffed with purchases and then wheel them to the till and then walk out.
*
Sneak a trolley into the stockroom, and load up with newly delivered items, take them to the till and
they will lose stock.
*
If you are thinking of shoplifting, don't bother you can lorrylift the delivery lorry. You might have
to use force, at the end of it dump the lorry driver into a bin ensuring it's on a hill.
Roll them down the hill and make sure they see something large approaching them with no driver as you have not used the handbrake in the lorry when you parked it.
*
Trap yourself in the revolving doors, so that no-one can get in or out of the supermarket, including
the irate manager who cannot unblock the doors.
Deliberately keep stopping them for safety.
Wedge the doors further by bringing a door stop from home and glueing it to the wall.
*
Take a full trolley around the store, take 100 items from one aisle and put them in another aisle, do
this until you've completely re-arranged the store.
*
Whistle the Asda tune in Tesco. Or better yet bring in a radio which is blaring out
Asda adverts in a loop into the Tesco store.
*
Raid the store microphone, make an announcement that everybody shopping here in Asda should go to
Tesco, our rival and better store.
*
Buy breakable items and treat them roughly in the trolley your other shopping might get smashed as
well, ask for a discount on the remains.
*
Buy 6 months worth of shopping and hold everybody up for what must seems like them 6 months at the
till.
*
Make a hologram of you holding up a store, and play it inside the store, at the end of the hologram show
yourself shooting. They'll think they've dodged the bullets and you will say wow you're fast but not as
fast as me, then disappear.
*
Take a ghetto blaster with the rival store's adverts blasting across the store.
*
Jam some of the revolving doors with produce you've just bought.
*
Push the trolley into the revolving doors and let it go round several times unattended. You might not
be able to access your trolley, the outside or the outside world without a solicitor.
*
Smash the sensor of a store's automatic doors while they're closed. The store security guy won't be
able to kick you out until the repair company arrives.
*
Smash the sensor of the automatic doors from outside and then pull a moonie on the enraged security
guard. Watch him run to the fire exit which happens to have a door stop at it, backed up by some extra
large buildie bricks cemented to the floor.
*
Go into the staff area and make a cup of tea for yourself.
*
Play bowling with cans.
*
Take one of every multipack you can find that are not to be sold separately.
*
At the checkout abruptly vandalise the till and claim you can't pay.*
*
Get the checkout girl to scan through every one of your 100 items before deciding that you don't want any of them.
*
Walk round the store opening products and eating so many of them that you feel sick. Walk up to the counter and puke on it and then ask how much it is and whether you can puke one and get one free.
*
Put your trolley on the counter and then ask how much it is, and when they say the trolley is free with the shopping ask if you get all the items inside it free with it.
*
Use 100 trolleys to create a barricade across the supermarket car park.
*
In the trolley park, where 50 trolleys have been joined together, take them out and ram them through the revolving doors to get in quicker and then race them across the store putting in 1 item per trolley and then attempting to pay for the items at the busiest till.
*
Have a long conversation on your mobile phone whilst paying for 100 items, wait for the end of the call before ackknowledging and paying for your shopping.
*
Bring in a rival stores products and then try to buy them at the till.
Eg bring in a can of Asda peas into a Tesco Every Little Helps store and try to buy it there.
*
Take a 1 metre ruler in the store and then hold it sideways whilst you do your shopping, you will find that at the end of your shopping spree you will find that there are no items left on the shelves. Whilst your n the television aisle, attach magnets to the end of the ruler and even if they don't get ruler-swiped they will get decoloured.
*
Get a massive crane and visit a Tesco and then use it to wrench the Tesco letters off the wall, and then dump them in an Asda car park.
*
Visit Zimbabwe and exchange £100 for their currency and then visit a supermarket and then attempt to pay for your shopping using a million coins and if they refuse threaten to call the Zimbabwean embassy.
*
Go to Barclays Bank, withdraw enough money to buy a Playstation 3 and then ask them to exchange the notes for 1p coins, and then attempt
to buy the console in Asda.

100 Ways to make things fly that don't have a pilots license.
Practise darts with a human tied to your dart, high above the earth's ground.
*
Blow up a massive balloon with helium and put a person inside, then they will be flying like UFO's towards the sky.
*
Put a wannabe pilot in a plane and they might fly for a certain length of time.
*
Get a firework and tie a colony of ants to it and then light the firework, and it will rain in ants and there will be an infestation.
*
Build a ramp on the M4 and you will find that most of the road becomes airborne.*
*
Get King Kong a massive trampoline and put a load of humans on it with him.
*
Take a sharp left across the golden gate bridge.
*
Become the safety inspector of a bungee jumper, on the rebound snip the rope, it'll be the last up in life they'll ever have but they'll go out on a high..
*
Go to the outside loo at the top of the Eiffel Tower.
*
Go up to heaven while you're still alive and then come back down to earth to heaven and then of course go to heaven in the spirit body.
*
Share a seesaw with the Incredible Hulk.
*
Tie an unwanted old disc to the wheel of the car and you are sure to see either sparks fly, or the disc pieces fly without a pilots license.
*
Tell a load of boring jokes and they'll say I've gotta fly now.
*
Call Superman and ask him to carry you across the night sky, if he won't come gain superpowers.
*

100 Ways to attempt to survive a Bomb (if you want to commit suicide)
Dive under a table just before the bomb goes off, they'll be picking table pieces out of you on your post-mortem.
*
Get yourself implanted in glass before the bomb goes off, once detonation is complete you might find shards of glass in your eye, and you would resemble a human ribbon, you would win first prize in a ribbon contest set at a funeral.
*
Walk out in the street and climb the tallest building you can, the bomb may destroy the bottom of the building, we assure you the building will not come down.
*
Attempt to adjust the bomb's settings moments before it's due to go off, try to set it to daylight's saving time.
*
Get the most armoured tank in the world and then drive into the bomb, this is insured to work.
*
Get a colourblind person to try and save you from a bomb, the same thing will happen as happenned to them at the traffic lights
but much much worse when they attempt to cut the coloured wires.
*
Drive to where the bomb is placed, pick it up and place it down your gullet, don't worry you won't choke, there won't be time for that.
*
Swallow a cocktail bomb on a stick in public and claim you are eating fire and then claim you will also be fire.
*
If your Alarm Clocks are missing or have been blown up, set a bomb for the time you are meant to wake up, the whole street will
wake up, your wife might have to call in dead for work.*
*
Celebrate Bomb-fire Night with bombs.
*
Jump off the Empire State Building with a bomb, but it won't be the fall hat kills you it's when the detonator hits the bottom.
*
Try to destroy a touch detonated bomb with a mallet.
*
Try to burn a stick of dynamite at the stake.
*
Try to overcome your fear of the dark in a pitch black room with the only light to guide you will be the digital time on the bomb. After the time runs out
you will fear the dark for the rest of your afterlife.
*
Overcome your fear of heights over Niagara Falls walking a tightrope holding two bombs with your two hands, either side for balance.
*
Go diving in the deep seas looking for Atlantis, tell them to signal when your oxygen has run out by sending a depth charge down.
*
Set a large stick of dynamite alight and then swallow it and then ring A&E and soon the hospital will be
moved to a new location, the clouds. When a plane crashes into it up there all the passengers will already in A&E.
*
Try out a bomb building kit in a fireworks factory.
*
If it's a grenade bounce it up and down the floor testing its resilience, soon you will be higher than the clouds with joy.
*
Paint a grenade as a tennis ball and sneak it into Wimbledon, soon the ratings will be much higher than usual.
The sports channel will become the news channel and vice versa.
*
To attempt to save energy and in turn the planet, instead of using your common household lights, use a lighted
dynamite stick to navigate your way around your house, soon you will be navigating yourself around a black hole.

100 ways to wreck humanity in space.
Simply play darts in front of the earth, you have a 1 in millions chance of hitting the dartboard as it will have already been crushed by pressure and no gravity.
*
Turn the moon into a 1800 hole golf course*
*
Parachute down to the moon ensuring that your parachute gets caught on the space shuttle, this will be one small step for man, one large fall for mankind.
*
Turn a spacecraft into a hotel, and swap the signs on the doors marked toilet and exit.
*
When your spacecraft is just above the earth's orbit, Throw a boomerang into orbit and then throw a tree into orbit with it, and you will find slices of tree falling to earth and tables made out of twigs and tree slices falling out of nowhere.
*
Drop several million jetpacks onto the moon facing towards the Earth and then activate them all and then the moon will become a comet and parts of the Earth will become a crater pick a country you don't like.
*
If you are the US president spend the entire spaces budget on a NASA expedition to the Sun, all that will be left of it will be a few seconds of sunshine. For the advertising sign use the words "this is the last suntan you'll ever get"
*
If a planet hasn't got a moon, place enough explosives on it so that it will now have a moon as parts of the surface are blasted high enough into the atmosphere to successfully orbit it.
*
If you are a space race capable of launching planets and you simply despise life on Earth, catapult Uranus into Earth as your way of saying up yours to earthlings.
*
If you still have any jetpacks left over from destroying the moon and you don't like the results of the Earth.
Put millions of them together and direct the Earth towards the sun, humanity will be fried chicken before it gets anywhere close to the sun.*
*
If you are ever on a mission to mars, seek out the alien lifeforms living there and find their government. Bring them back in the spaceship to invade the Earth whilst telling them the Earth's weaknesses.
*

100 Ways To Trash A Car
Driving Lessons are for wussies, learn how to use it yourself.
You might need several cars to practice on. Throw your instructin book
in the same place that you've thrown your parking tickets.
You may need to forge your driving lessons,
Set 999 as a speed-dial on your mobile phone, you'll need it a lot.
*
Find that a baseball bat is in your hand and also in the bonnet of
your car.*
*
Purposefully call people on your mobile without a handset (also
for wussies) while driving.
*
Paint your car in the colours of the England flag and then go to
Wales or Jamaica and drive slowly so as to enjoy the scenery and
the ricocheting bullets.
*
Before you go out driving with a Mr Toad t-shirt on, pop all
your tyres with a giant pin and loosen the steering wheel to relax
it a bit, and then prepare for the funfair ride your car journey now is.
*
Go to the Motorway service station and fill up your car with the wrong
type of petrol for its tank, and then drive to either London or Glasgow
which ever conks out the first. The police won't need to see your car
they'll be able to smell it first, that or the fact that it will look
like a moving Bonfire Night celebration on the M6.
*
Turn your car into a moving cricket bat hitting stumps of trees and branches down country lanes
because you are travelling so fast. When you pass shrubbery that
should have been cut back by the council they will have to
maintain Fire Lane. Your town will be hells region.
*
Start your car but build a fortress that the Normans would have
been proud of all around the car, it won't be going anywhere
but you probably will.
*
Substitute your car tyres for round bricks.
*
If you're going out while your TV shows are on, don't worry watch them
at the wheel courtesy of your Sony Widescreen in the back seat with a
seatbelt on. You can catch Diagnosis Murder on the way to an
afternoon appointment but it will come true to life.
*
Instead of a caravan toe a widescreen and when your favourite show
has finished release the hook.
*
Drive your ordinary rather crappy car on an off-road circuit
and then the car will live up to the circuit's name.
*
Steal a traffic cone outside a police station and then go for a very
long ride that will end with you running out of gas.
*
Drive through the Sahara Desert not using the road, you won't even
get a thousand inches never mind a thousand miles, and your car
will look like its upset King Tut.
*
If you are an unsuccessful inventor try to invent a hovercraft
it'll probably be at the bottom of the Atlantic before you've even
tried it.
*
If your an embittered employee of a car factory whose about to get
sacked, make a car in revenge. Reverse all the gears, with the reverse
gear making the car go up. Make the car stereo control the steering
with the steering controlling the volume with only an up control.
Make the horn a 4 minute MP3 that can't be turned off, not only will
the police throw the ticket book at you, the record company will sue
you for copyright infringment.*
*

100 Ways to weird people out in history with your time machine.
Go back to King Arthur's time and take a flash photograph to prove that he really exists, and
then ask him to pose by the sword in the stone,and then when the sword stays
in the stone and he isn't king anymore, and then pull it out yourself
and then you can enjoy being King Of England until you're bored of it.
*
Take a TV back through time with Shrek on its screen and then watch
the historical people try to run into the screen and go into Shrek.
*
Rob the round table and make it square using an axe, and then King Arthur will try to burn you at the stake,
but you can use your time machine to get the hell out of there.
*
Wack them on the head with the time machine, they won't know which century
they're in even if you don't.
They'll be remembered as the first person to
be knocked out by a time machine in centuries.
*
Get a newspaper with Prince Harrys latest outrageous activities and take it back to show
Queen Victoria and say that will be your future generation you might as well give the throne now, to me.
*
Go back to when Jesus was born and claim you're Jesus, and then think oh shit, the cross and then get the frick out of there before they get the nails out.
*
Go back to the medieval ages, purchase a large sword, then go back to the time of the dinosaurs and slay as many as you can, and then come back and claim that that was how the dinosaurs really got extinct, you'd better have got out of there before you get made extinct yourself by the T-Rex.
*
Go back to Germany in the time of the Second World War and help Hitler invade Britian by telling him where all the strategic weak points are in Britain's defense that you've learned from history programmes.
*
Put your time machine in the living room and instead of getting Sky+ use your time machine to catch up on any programmes
that you miss by going back by half an hour or an hour.
*
Make your life like Groundhog Day by automatically setting your time machine to go back to 6am at the end of the day so you can repeat it ad-nauseum.
*
Learn a year in history in school or college and then go back to the prophet Nostradamus's time and tell people you're much better than him and can actually predict the future.
*
Take your time machine to before time was even invented, find out who God is and then shoot them with a machine gun and then of course float
through space pointlessly until the point you decide to commit suicide finding out in the afterlife there is no more heaven because you killed God.*
*
Find out all you can about what causes Global Warming and then go back into history and then aggravate it. Get a position in government in the 1920's and build power stations and more cars than you count and then the London fog of 1951 will seem like a wisp of smoke compared to the permanent atmosphere that is now Britain.
*
Go to the future and buy a laser strong enough to burn the sun then go back to the beginning of the time when dinosaurs roamed the earth and sit in one spot
aim your laser at the sun, switch it on and wait for kingdom come.the meaning of the word Trojan.
*
Go back to Ancient Troy and whisper to one of the guards there are soldiers hidden in that horse you know. They won't know the meaning of the word
Trojan.
*

100 Ways To Get Addicted
Everquest
If your life is boring, then stop playing it and get an Everquest account and soon you will be playing it 25/8.
Get rid of your house contents you only need your computer now, this includes your PS2 & Xbox because they don't have Everquest on them they're only fit for the junkyard. Don't even stop playing for Christmas, unless you get an Everquest expansion for christmas.*

Smoking
You can only be dead if you're dead, since you're alive you might as well smoke.

If you want to give up something don't give up smoking, give up even thinking about giving up anything.

If you're addicted to gambling make a wager that you can stop anytime.
*
If you're not a smoker yet, wean yourself onto it gradually by starting with nicotine patches.

100 Ways To Destroy Money & Stop Being Rich
Make a mattress sown out of notes and lay it out in the canal.
*
Buy up two rival companies and deliberately create rubbish advertising so that the customers end up deserting them. Eventually you'll have to desert the headquarters.
Eg buy up Burger King and McDonalds
*
Set up a Pin number advertising scheme with press/radio & tv, with the pin number emblazoned on T-shirts. Post the t-shirts to every address in town.
*
Get a tennis ball firing machine and climb the tallest mountain in the area and then fire the notes off into the clouds.*
*
Exchange your fortunes for Zimbabwean Currency and then watch the business news to see how well your stock is doing.
*
Persuade the treasury to make a new denomination of a thousand pound notes just for you and your wealth and then go and withdraw it on a windy day.
*
Use scissors to cut out the metal strips in the notes so you look like a counterfeiter, counterfeiting will be all you can afford.
*
Get a taxi to Vladivostok and call in to a city in South Africa with a congestion charge.
*
With a million pounds, rent a thousand apartments with a thousand TV's and don't pay the licence.
*
If you win the lottery, borrow the same amount you've won on credit cards which will lead to an interesting situation.
*
List all your tenners on Ebay as buy it now for $5.
*
Go to the stock market, buy a company that the share price is down on and then sell it.
*
If you're a man marry a woman, if you're a woman have a kid and be the first to get them
the Playstation 4.
*
Buy the moon then get yourself a space voyage and hook up the moon to your shuttle and then bring the moon down to Earth and the bank will come following after. You will no longer be able to draw money
from your local cash machine.
*
If you've won the lottery, go to the local cash machine type a 1 then put a weight down on the zero, and then the cash machine will be spewing out tenners all day until the road looks it's been hit by a sea of cash and the cash machine is worn out, at least robbers of your money won't need a JCB.*
*
If you're a hunter use notes instead of leaves to cover up the trap.
The rabbit will be dead minted.
*

100 Ways to wreck restaurants and annoy staff.
Knock the gentleman's and ladies into the one but keep the two doors, install a CCTV camera to watch the surprise on people's faces as they encounter their opposite genders, and then replace the toilet rolls with old newspaper, this may lead to fornication in the bogs.
*
Ask them for a tip.*
*
When they ask for a tip, give it but in a foreign currency.
*
Walk into a chippy and order a dinner for 16 people and then wait an hour and claim you have an urgent appointment
*
When parking, don't bother with the car park and all that walking, just park across the front steps so that no-one can get in or out the restaurant
*
Walk into a restaurant wearing running shoes and a t-shirt with Liniford Christie on the front, then at the end of the meal when they ask why, peg it out of the restaurant faster than Christie himself would.
*
Claim your dyslexic and ask to see the menu, then claim what you want is £5.59 not £9.95
Pull your chair from your table back so far into the aisle that
Ask to see the menu, but when it is given start playing on a Game Boy Advance.
Ask the waiter whether he's ever been to a rival restaurant and then start exclaiming about how good it is.
*
If you're feeling sick after your meal throw up on the plate and leave a tip inside
the sticky vomit. They will have to consider whether an extra £50 is worth delving into
second hand sweetcorn.
*
Go into the toilets and piss at the wrong angle, claim you are directionally challenged.
*
Bang your elbows so hard on the table that the table crumbles away beneath them.
*
Pick up your blunt table that you've been slamming the table with for the last hour and threaten
the waiter by forcefully asking him to bring the food now.
*
Bring in a pocket TV or a PSP or something and ask the waiters to talk to the hand when they ask for your order.
*
If you've been kept waiting for an unbearable amount of time for your scran, go into the kitchens and nick someone elses meal
off the tray try to pick the most expensive meal. And then the richest customers will find themselves eating
cheese on toast.
*
If amongst your meal there are any food items which you don't like turn your fork into a makeshift frisbee, failing that
ask the waiter to personally handpick them out.
*
If you're a bit rushed and can't finish your meal scrape it into your handbag. Use the menu to guide it in.
If the menu becomes all discoloured throw it in the bin.
*
If you're at a restaurant that asks for the menus back once you've finished ordering refuse to give it to the waiter
remain so adamant that in the end it becomes a tug of war between you and the waiter. Eventually the menu will pull
out of your hand giving you a cardboard cut.
*
Deface the menu and claim you thought it was for colouring in or it was a puzzle.
Soon the only puzzle will be which exit shall I leave out of.
*

100 Ways To Screw Up The Environment For Future Generations.
Leave your car engine running on standby outside in your drive
in case you want to get in it, you'll hear a faint engine whirr in your house at all times.
*
Market a place underneath a hole in the ozone layer as a UV hotspot.
*
Make an illegal CFC plant and make bootleg hairsprays based on 1980's technology. Put any unused CFC's up the chimneys.
*
If you are the dictator of an African nation uproot all of your forests and sell them off for profits.
*
Pilot a helicopter and fly into the clouds and colour them with giant spray cans.
*
Fire a rocket at an oil tanker that is driving on a clifftop road overlooking the sea.
Soon it will look like God snapped a giant pen in the sea.
*
Go around dropping so much litter that it almost makes a trail showing everywhere you have been.
Go on a nice nature walk but don't bother coming back the same way as it won't look the same anymore.
*
Break into a nuclear power station and press a few buttons.*
*
Walk along a beach dropping in items that are unwanted into the sea including wellies, old bike tyres and second hand plutonium.
*
Drive a helicopter upside down through as many forests as you can, doing loop de loops using the helicopter blades like shears, occasionally bark might fly out and crack your windsscreen.
*
Go on a deep sea diving tour off the coast of Australia and spend your day uprooting corral.

100 Ways to Act Unholy
On 3AM on a Sunday Morning re-arrange the letters on a Christian sermon so that it's an Islamic sermon.
*
Invite an Islamic and a Christian family to a meal and at the end say "Oh My God In Allah that was a good meal"
*
Say to a christian "Oh My God, you're not religious are you!"*
*
In a church replace the Bibles with copies of Lord Of The Rings, tell everyone that you believe in Sauron but
please do not pray for Saruman.
*
Put orange juice in the Holy Water. If there is a christening the Baby will have to have a shower
when it gets home.
*
Play a tape of one of Billy Connolly's 70's routines inside a Roman Catholic Church.
*
Is God real? well if he is he must hate you.
*
Get a rubberstamp book of the symbols of the worlds religions and then go into a christian church
and stamp the islam symbol all over the bibles and vice versa.
*
Go into a church and then brush your teeth in the holy water.
*
Spike the holy water with beer and rohypnol.*
*
Go into the confessional and make a confession that you don't believe in god and then the priest
might say "what the hell are you doing in here then?"

END!
We hope you've enjoyed all these WAYS to ruin your life, If you haven't may I suggest this last list

100 ways to Bugger off off this website.
Get your cat to lie all over the keyboard hoping it leans on Alt+F4,
get it to keep pressing it and your computer will restart.
*
Unplug your computer by yanking the socket out of the wall or by going downstairs to the main electric meter
and physically switching off your house.
*
Deliberately open an e-mail that you know contains a virus that stops the internet working.
*
Cut off your internet by taking a pair of shears outside and excercising them on your phone
line that is dangling from the telegraph pole.
*
Put your monitors screen in using a knuckleduster. This site will then fade to black.*
*
If you're viewing this on a laptop, place it on your knee and remove the screen from the keyboard
by using all your might to press down on it.
*
Send our hosting company a horrible virus which promises to wipe C and get us to open it
by claiming you're a hosting company that offers more space.*
*
Claim we've said something offensive to a court of human rights, and then we'll get sent a
subpoena to shut down & cease & desist immediately.
*
Recommend this site to all your friends and relatives and get them to log on to our site at the same time
causing a "denial of service" attack, meaning the site will be so busy no-one will be able to log on.
*
Complain about our content to our service provider, it will have the same effect as
the Court Of Human Rights, we will be off the air in an internet sense.
*
Make a site with hundreds of pop-ups one of your favourites, go to it and in your haste to
close it down you will accidentally close this site.
*
Hack into our service provider and replace this HTML page with a page about porn.
*

100 Ways To Pee Off God!
Make a large scale model of the moon in paper mache and then go up on
the moon then make the large scale model orbit the moon, then if you want to further the anguish then make a golf ball orbit the model of the moon.
*
get the sand from the sahara desert and most of egypt and creat a whole new island... to make it worst name the island new-god-land.
*
Cut off Everest and place it on top of Snowdon, if you wish to make it higher then Everest, Killamanjaro and Snowdon put together add Kilamanjaro to the pile of mountain.
*
Commit suicide then when you get to heaven shove your middle finger up at St. Peter.
he will tell you that if you've been playing Stairway To Heaven you should have been playing Highway To Hell.*
*
Slap St. Peter with a glove like in the simpsons episode where homer has a got
a glove and is going round slapping people getting free stuff realizing that it means he is challenging them to a duel, so do this to god.
*
Make a bet with God that you can do worse weather than him, then he shows you
by clouding your ass and chucking thunderbolts at the Earth.
*
When you get to Heaven and actually see God, claim you still don't believe in him to which He'll
ask "Do you believe in the Devil then?" before sending you down to Hell.
*
When you see God mock the numbers that are taking up Christianity in comparison to Islam, claiming that Allah
is whooping his ass!
*
Try to bring illegal things like copies of the Qu'ran into Heaven.

100 Ways Not to have a Girlfriend
Always remember to forget her birthday.
Give her a cheerio as a wedding ring and offer the box out to everyone in the windows.
*
Get several girlfriends and mix their addresses up, as a result you will no longer need to know where they live.*
*
Propose marriage in Las Vegas on your first date. Alternatively if you are in Las Vegas
stand by a wedding chapel asking girls that walk by if they want to go in there with you.
*
Give her an Easter Egg for her anniversary present, and then next year don't remember anything about
the anniversary.
*
Introduce her to your much more successful friend that looks like Brad Pitt and owns a succession of red Ferraris.
*
Attempt to watch football while you are making out.
*
Buy her an iron for her birthday and then when she tries to use it in the Living Room tell her she is a woman
and belongs in the kitchen.*
*
When you are kissing shout out the name of a supermodel like Naomi, ooh Naomi!, ooh Pamela!
*
If you get married sell your ring on Ebay claiming that you only need love.
*
If your Girlfriend is one of a set of twins, accidentally sleep with one of the other ones.
Your eyes will go cross-eyed for more than one reason.

100 Ways to misuse an Easter Egg
Open it and attempt to drink a cup of tea out of it, you'll have to eat it faster than it melts.
*
Use it as a football, but it might be the end of the game long before you can score a goal.*
*
Use it to cup your privates as you walk around the house naked.*
You could always cup your ass with it as well and if you have a premature crap
you won't be able to tell which is defecation and which is easter egg except from
the smeary parts
*
If you still have an Easter egg left over in July, walk out with it on your head as a hat
on a very warm day.
*
Break it open and use it to stash hard drugs that you don't want the police to find.
If you are raided in July the police won't think of checking for Easter eggs.
But don't give a copper an Easter Egg over the holidays or life won't be soo sweet.
*
Attempt to make a giant chocolate ommelette out of it, your cooker will never be the same again as cocoa
stains are very hard to get out.
*
Present it as a trophy to someone winning a cup in sport.
*
In Easter 2007 buy some Easter Eggs as a present to give to someone in Easter 2008. just don't expect it to stay the same colour, especially if you store them by a window.
*
In the fair take three easter eggs to a coconut stall and ask the owner to replace the coconuts with the easter eggs to make sure that he's not cheating, you'll find yourself winning the most you've ever had in your life.
*
If you're a member of Weightwatchers and somebody has lost enough weight to no longer break a couch, give them Easter Eggs as a prize.
*
In a boxing match attach easter eggs to your fist you won't be wearing gloves for long and your opponent will be a smashing contender.
*
Everytime one of your lightbulbs dink, replace it with an Easter Egg.
*
Use your Easter Eggs as earmuffs if a real horrible hollow sound starts to come through, press on them as hard as
you can.
*
If your fire is already going and you need fire fuel use Easter eggs.
*
If you work in an Easter Egg factory place a lit TNT dynamite stick inside an Easter Egg, fit the pieces together and not
only will the flame on the top of the dynamite stick melt the Easter Egg it will desztroy all the hundreds of thousands around it, the easter bunny won't have anything to deliver over Easter.
*
If you're a dentist reward your best paying customers with easter eggs.
Around Easter change the mouthswill to milkshake.
*
Stick The Easter Egg around your large headphones so you can haver a sugar rush while you are listening to Iron Maiden.
Don't be surprised if you chew through the cable in your attempt to access the milk chocolate.
*
If you are a disgruntled ex-employee of Cadburys sabotage Easter by hijacking the sugar lorry before it makes to the chocolate plant.
soon some people will have a very bitter Easter. Alternatively don't just dump the sugar lorry replace its contents with some you've
got from also hijacking a salt lorry. Soon people will wonder why they are biting into a hard rock version of a portion of chips.

100 Ways to get a shit lifestyle
Tell your boss exactly what you think of him on your first day in the job.
*
If you win lottery money buy a Ferrari and then crash it, you'll spend the rest of your dough on repairs while saying d'oh.
*
Buy 20 cars and a monster truck. Soon nobody will realise you ever bought 20 cars.
*
Spend your life relying on the lottery to pay for everything, don't get a job.
*
As soon as you move in make enemies of your neighbours so that you have a shit time living there.
*
Buy a credit card and max it out and then pay the debt by maxing out another credit card.
*
Pay for an air guitar with a million pound cheque. Bid on an air guitar on Ebay and outbid everyone else significantly.
*
Re-enact everything you've learned from playing Grand Theft Auto.*
*
Publicly diss a judge whilst in his court.
*
Spend your life acting like a dog, eg chasing the postman and knocking over the milk and cacking up a wall.
*
Use Champagne to clean the kitchen sink.
*
Get a job as a toilet cleaner and every morning have a shit just before you start your shift.*

100 Ways to get out of Jail without a get out of jail free card.
Make your own set of keys in the workshop and then knock out the guard with them.
*
Wait for a cold morning and then knock out of guard then steal their uniform, they will wake up
feeling like a fridge whilst your escaped ass is in the Bahamas.
*
Pick away the bricks of your cell painstakingly over your 10 year sentence, on release day
there will be a massive hole in the wall which they'll end up turning into a door. Then punch the officer
so that you are thrown back in the cell and then escape through your own hole.
*
If you are a bodybuilder simply wrench the bars off your cell and then knick an officers keys at fistpoint
and then hope not to bend them whilst escaping with your stupid strength.
*
With your large empty skull bash your head against the wall hoping it will fall down and if you don't first,
it will be like a boxing match with a pro-heavy weight champion.
*
Throw your TV at the bars hoping they will break, there will be a completely different show on it when it lands.
*
Once you've escaped from prison, put up wanted posters of yourself with a design that claims the vigilante will get
2 million dollars if you are re-apprehended and then wolfwhistle the nearest vigilante.
*
Immediately make an enemy out of the warden, and then he'll remove you from his jail.
*
Excercise in the excercise yard and attempt to climb the back wall, ignore any sirens and the bullets
that are slamming you in the leg, you can always escape to a hospital.
*
Go mental so you can swap places with an asylum.
*
Claim you're an illegal immigrant and then ask to be deported, then once you're in mid sea dive for your life
even though there is a high risk of breaking your hands and neck when you come face to face with the
Atlantic.
*
If you're rich enough, bribe the guards to let you out, but use a sack of monopoly money with a higher
rate than the bail money. Just get someone on the outside to rob half a dozen monopoly boards from various shops.
Also get them to draw the Queens head on the notes.
*
On the day that you get locked up use your free call to ring 999 and claim that the cops put you in prison.*
*
In the communal area where the inmates watch BBC ONE throw a pool cue like a javelin, this will cause a riot,
escape during the commotion.

100 Ways to get in trouble with a giant magnet.
Visit a car showroom, preferably rolls-royce and then drive very slowly outside with a large magnet,
soon the cars will be displayed outside the showroom as well.
*
Go to a tap dance ballet with a massive magnet in hand, you will be Lord Of The Dance and not in a good way you
will literally swipe the dancers off their feet.
*
Sellotape the giant magnet into your back and then visit a branch of Currys.
Suddenly the Tv's will be colourblind and the computer monitors will be coloursick.
The manager will have to go round degaussing the monitors all night.
*
Go to a golf match with a massive magnet in your mouth, there will be many holes in one, you'd better hope Tiger Woods isn't there.
*
Go to a science exhibition and completely ruin it. By attracting all the other projects into your
giant magnet project.
*
Go to a crime scene with a magnet, the detectives wil be wondering where their magnifiers, glasses
and evidence have gone.
*
In a F1 Race, place 10 giant magnets in the pit stop, and then changing tyres will no longer do any good.
*
Before you blow up balloons in a party, insert magnets into them and bring in a giant box of pins and leave
them out in the open.
*
If your girlfriend announces that she is no longer going out with you place a secret magnet on her back
and one on yours, and then activate them when she's halfway across town, you'll soon be back together again.*
*
Put super strong magnets in your shoes that repel the ores of the Earth from down below, you'll feel like you're walking
on the moon you'll be propelled so far up into the air.
*
Watch an advert for your local car dealer and then visit the place with your magnet shoes then claim you're interested in all
of them and attracted to all the deals and why not the cars have all come towards you. It's a shame that the
dealership is located next to the M6 though.
After all this the car dealer won't be able to afford another advert.
*
If the speed of the cars on the M6 isn't satisfactory due to traffic jams or passengers pulling a moonie, pull out your 20 ton
magnet and drag every car on the motorway behind you with your 20 ton magnet stuffed under a juggernaut. And drive them
120 MPH down to South Devon.
*
If World War 3 breaks out, stand in the middle of the nuclear war and attract all the bullets, missiles and guns into your super-strong
magnet. Don't be surprised if you can hear yourself screaming in England with your detached ear.*
*
Break the giant into much smaller digestible pieces, eat them and see how attractive you become inside.

100 Ways to have fun with explosives
Drive to the top of Mount Everest and when you get there attach bombs to your car, get back down to the bottom of the mountain and watch your car follow you down. It will be a lot quicker than Brian Blessed ever was.
*
Give your local parks fountain water the ability to shower the flowers in your back garden by placing
a bomb in the centre of the fountain.
*
Put a bomb in a helium baloon and then proceed to float it up to a raincloud and watch your town get drenched with its local river water.
*
If you feel like bypassing the traffic on the way to work today then use those explosives like footballs on the bridge.
*
Construct an explosive using scraps you bought off Ebay and attach a lighning rod to it and watch the semi-dangourus lighting turn to destructive gods.
*
Go to the local fast food restaraunt and attach an explosive to a disgruntled enployee. He should come out looking like he just took a trip through a combine harvester alight. In McDonalds the Drive round will now truly be a Drive through.
*
Go to the cinema and watch an action adventure movie, whilst there make the explosions in the film look so realistic the people at the front of the screening will be in pieces with the aid of a bomb attached to the cinema screen. If the screen is not able to project an image any longer just tell the people working there that the film took the screen by storm.*
*
Go to a salt factory and a vineger factory and with explosives cause a fountain for miles. you will no longer find yourself paying in the fish and chip shop.
*
If you want to make it easier for someone to land their helicopter attach a bomb to the rotary blades and watch the pilot come down on you like a ton of bricks.
*
If people are wondering why traffic lights have a red section on them then teach them not to stop at the next red light they see. Put explosives at the side of the car and when they set off they will find themselves 50ft in the air.
*
On Bombfire Night replace your catherine wheel firework with TNT and make bazookas and rockets live up to thier names, if you are competing with your next door neighbour "acidentaly" aim the bazookas and rockets at their house, if one of their bricks lands in your house give it them back with two times the strength it came at your house.
*
Drill a hole right into the very epicentre of Everest and place 100 of the worlds most expensive dynamites about to go off.
Then retreat and watch the explosion that causes Everest slide down itself and for a rockfall to fall down
the many precipices nudging villages out the way.
*
Go to a nuclear power station and throw a grenade into the reactor core. There will be a big hole in the ground and everything else
will be vapourised and you won't be able to tell where has blown up. When the Ordnance Survey print out the next map
for the area they will only need plain white paper.

100 Ways To Have Fun With A Helicopter
Drive it down the M4, you might not be flying but that might not be the same for the other cars.
*
Fly it upside down and close to the ground, you might find that many objects mysteriously split open, feel free to experiment with this on the M6, a lot of people won't be able to go to the services others will find that they are there sooner than they think.
*
If you are a helicopter designer get Gillette to make your blades and then fly near a helium balloon festival.
*
Park on the large invisible H sign on top of the fast food restaurant.
*
Break into someone's mansion and paint them a big H, and then give them a free helicopter in a very direct way.
*
If you don't have a pilots license attempt to drive a helicopter, if you have just failed your driving test practise with a plane.
*
If you work for the electricity company arrange to have the local pylons camouflaged so that they are the same colour as the Sky, if this is Manchester it will have to be grey. And then go on flying lessons, either they'll bring you back down to earth or the 250,000 volts will.*
*
If the helicopter is from an RAF base and has a spare machine gun handy, stuff it up with water balloons and then release them over a national trust property, alternatively despatch them over a safari park where the lions won't be endangered but the visiting humans will be.
*
If the weather forecast doesn't say anything about wind, make some yourself with the helicopter whipping up gale force winds in every city street. Fly next to a beer garden and people won't get what they pay for.
*
Fly behind a balloon race and then don't be surprised when you win by default, the balloons won't be the only things that have blown up.
*
Go to South America and use the helicopter to deforest the last remaining square mile of rainforest
with the rotary blades.
*
Park your helicopter in the local parking lot, you may find that there are a lot of spaces even if there
weren't before.
*
Attempt to hold onto one of the blades whilst the helicopter is in motion, if you get back down to earth your blood will be spinning in your body for days on end, this is assuming of course that you grabbed onto the blades and didn't get flung as far as Egypt.*
*

100 Ways To Get Into Detention & Educate Yourself at School.
Address every teacher by their first name including the headteacher.
*
Bring A PSP into class and claim it is an educational tool. At the same time play Grand Theft Auto Liberty City Stories in assembley.
*
Put your hands up in class and if the teacher asks if it's relevant to the subject say yes and then blabber on about something completely irrelevant.
*
When you are criticised for being late, turn up early but because the classroom is locked, bust your way in.
If you are too impatient to wait for a school club that you're into ram down the door before they get a chance to unlock it.
*
Put diversion signs around the school halls leading to the same door which will result in a complete standstill as two children get trapped in every door.
*
Print out articles from Wikipedia for every homework, if asked about it say I wrote it and if you don't like it press edit.*
*
If you don't like your PE teacher, everytime you get the ball throw it at him and watch it rebound off his head into your hands several times.
*
Sell answers to tests and exam papers on Ebay.
*
Cheat on your test paper and
If your teacher catches you and asks what are you thinking, shout out the answer to no.42, so
that everyone knows it, you've just upgraded some people from an F to an E.
*
If you're in an exam bribe the teacher for the answers, they'll probably accept because they get such
shit pay from the government, if they don't, hold up their wig in the air like a flag.
*
Use childish bullying methods on your teacher such as wedgies and wet willies, as corporal punishment is banned in schools they won't be able to recipricate, however you will be seeing a lot more wall than you will Sky.
*
In food technonlogy, start a food fight with so much mess that there won't be the technology to clean it up. If you need a catapult or a slinging device use a frying pan which has recently been involved in the cooking of food, don't worry if there's no hair left on anyone's head, it is a natural side effect of the heat.
*
Wherever you see a "Break Glass" sign, obey the instructions and put a hole in the wall.
*
Replace all fire detectors and "Break Glass" alarms with motion detectors, soon with every motion you will hear
a continuous bell, most pupils will think it's hometime at 9.02am.
*
Buy a bomb making guide off ebay and read it in school and when challenged retort "school's all about
learning isn't it, now get out the way of that wall!"*

100 Ways to get kicked off Public Transport.

Get a mobile phone with an earpiercing speaker and a copy of the Crazy Frog.
*
Whilst the bus is driving through heavy traffic, hold a magnet out the window and watch yourself become enclosed in traffic.
*
If you're sitting directly behind the driver constantly poke him or flick him behind the ear to get attention when he turns round and sais "what" tell him he's about to crash.*
*
If you are from India and you want to catch a train do as you would have done back home, climb onto the roof of the train to get a free journey.
*
Get all your band members onto the bus and do a rehearsal, just make sure you don't land on your guitar, to passers by your band will sound like the doppler effect.*
*
If you are seated behind the driver, throw peanuts at his head constantly. He will open the doors and then swerve round a sharp corner.
*
If you are on a bus or a train pick an argument with someone who has a large boot.
*
Get a taxi home with a ton off your mates after you've been drinking a hell of a lot of Lager most of which will be on the taxi floor.
*
Ask a taxi to follow a lorry with "Chicago" written on it, you'd better hope they don't pass a cash machine.
*
Get a bowling ball and go to the back of the bus and then wait for it to drive down a steep hill.
*
Take a cereal packet with you and drop cereal out the window every second making a public transport trail.
*
On a plane travelling to New York wear a 9-11 T-shirt, don't be surprised if you get stuck on a dersert island or if you are kicked off the plane and they don't give you a parachute.
*
If you are concerned about fresh air on the plane try to break one of the windows with a fire extinguisher, you will find yourself sucked out of the plane before they can kick you out.
*
Sneak into the bus station at 3am and change all the signs on the buses to ones you've made at home which say Timbuctu.
*
If you're on a plane and constantly hassle the pilot to let you drive the plane, if he sais no start fiddling with the controls anyway, then sit back and watch the ground approach you rapidly as the plane takes a nosedive.
*
Block the plane toilets with packets of Kit Kats so that the crew will have to hand out buckets to the passengers.
When they have to go the crew will tell evreryone not to look, you will be send back to Earth with a bucket on your head as a crash helmet.
*
Dig out a bus stop with a JCB, place it at the end of a zebra crossing and then unwitting roadcrosssers will end up catching the bus.
*
Alternatively dig out a bus stop and place it by a taxi rank. Thereby making cabs compete with
Public Transport.

100 Ways to Get Fat and stay Unfit.

Get the biggest package on TV and superglue yourself to the seat, become a fan of Big Brother, you might not even realise what summer is at the end of it.
*
Eat every meal of the morning, noon and night from the local chippy,
always say yes to "Salt & Vinegar" and ask what they're doing when they stop pouring
the salt over the chips. There'll be more salt than chips.
*
Why walk or cycle when you can drive, use the car for everything from going to the
newsagents round the corner to even visiting your neighbours who live in the second half
of your semi-detatched house. Get the car out of the drive and drive it into their drive
if you are visiting, on second thoughts that sounds like too much excercise
so buy a wheelchair off Ebay.
*
Take after the lead character in King Of Queens and sit on your ass and watch mind-numbing comedies
and laugh your life away, ask other members of your family to do your bidding, if the remote is on the other chair
just out of your hands reach then ask your wife who is upstairs to come down and get it, if she refuses
bang it across to you.*
*
Have a bowl of Monster Munch saturated with Maple Syrup every morning for Breakfast.
*
Find a diet book warning you about foods containing E numbers. Use it to find out
where you can get each E number and buy it and include it in your diet.
*
If you are fat and have sluggish children, create a hyperbowl of sweets with different
additives that you can feed them everytime you need them to be just hyperactive enough to get up
from the TV.*
*
Get a job working for a computer company and rent a flat just across the street from it and then buy a
Stannah Stairlift.
*
Refuse to visit anywhere that has an upstairs but not an escalator, in addition to your
sun-blocking body your weight will be escalating as well.
*
Replace the drivers seat in your car with a recliner so that you get
even less excercise whilst using your car.
*
When someone asks if you want to go mountain hiking with them agree but try
to take a wheelchair with you up the hill.

100 Ways to make Reality TV unreal.

One is in Big Brother vandalise a camera with a big fat marker, draw a smiley face
so that hundreds of thousands of people waking up to E4 coverage would think someone has defaced their TVs.
*
Hide behind the sofa in the Big Brother house and then when some contestants get on it
push it out of the camera's view.
Snap down each camera off the walls of the Big Brother house and then install them all in the diary
room all facing the chair and some on the chair.
*
With some of the ripped down cameras, use them as conkers, coverage on E4 will be swingin'
it will be like watching live seasaw coverage and viewers will also see a new housemate
in the form of a chip on the screen that they can't
vote out.*
*
Smuggle in a big fat book like The Lord Of The Rings or War and Peace
and read it in its entirety on screen so that you'll be the most boring
housemate in history, and to rub it in write a dissertation on one
of the books live in the Big Brother house.
*
Tell Big Brother you'd rather meet his Little Sister.
*
Smuggle a megaphone into the house and blast yourself down
the microphones.
*
To entertain yourself act like a child and swing on the cameras like monkey bars
the motion will be so bad if it's Big Brother that Channel 4 viewers will be
seasick from the coverage.
*
If you get onto the Big Brother show, try to vote the presenters out, If you
are successful Davina will have to interview herself.
*
If you are Indian, Pakistani or from the Antarctic go on the Big Brother
and make a racist comment about yourself in order to leave because you have violated
Channel 4 guidelines.
*
If you want to get out of the Big Brother faster than you came in, pick an argument
with a housemate who is not british.
*
On a quiz show answer every question with a question.
Eg on Millionaire if asked who was the last king or queen of Scotland before it was annexed
to England, you say "who WAS the last King or Queen of Scotland before it was annexed
to England" or say "I think it was the last king or queen of Scotland before it was annexed to
England".*
*
As soon as you get into the house refuse to talk and then enter the diary room and
refuse to leave it and don't reveal anything, after 6 hours E4 coverage will be burnt
into the screen because you've stayed in the same position for all that time.
*
If the reality show is set on an island make a raft to escape out of all the cameras.
Sharks will be confused when they bite into the metal and get the word "Sony" imprinted on their teeth from
biting one of the cameras that make up your raft.
*
If the reality show is set in woods or wilderness like I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here they
really will want to get out of there because you will turn the camp fire into a forest fire by
introducing it to the fauna. Soon the news will be showing the same images live as the reality show.
*
Kidnap one of the contestants for Blind Date and replace them with a blind doll and then if they are
selected they will simply fail to get on and they will find their date a bit deflating
and they will wish it really was a blind date.
*

100 Ways to change your name by deed poll

Change your name to
Jack King Oueff and people will come to you at formal meetings asking
if you are jacking off, you may reply either yes or no accordingly.
Picture this "Why sir are you jacking off, good sir!"*
*
If you speak with a strong french accent and live in France, change your name to
Jacques Strappe (jock strap')
*
Change to your name to Eugene Glee, then shorten your name to UG, then when people ask
for your name you can tell them you're ugly.
*
Change your name to Tony Blair and then walk down Downing Street and claim you have a right to be there and when the securuty officers try to practice on you with their tazers they will say "have
you not heard of Gordon Brown?"
*
Just before emigrating to the United States change your name by deed poll to "Illegal Alien" so that you will always be one no matter what.
*
Change your name to a symbol and wait to hear from Prince's lawyers, as you will be stomping all over his name, if the case gets to court sing Prince's Greatest Hits in the dock.
*
Change your name to Are You, if someone sais Are You Are You, reply Are You What and stop stuttering. if you enter a competition and you win and the judge states to the crowd Are You the winner then you reply I don't know, you're the judge.*
*
Change your name to Hue Arryue and create chaos in parties, mainly because you'll be having them on your own from now on. If someone asks if you are Hue Arryue say stop rambling and speak properly, don't take my name in vain.
*
Call yourself "At Max Power", and when people say "are you At Max Power" tell them this is not a videogame.
*
Change it to "Huar Adic", write some famous songs and they will announce you as here is, you are a dick!
*
Change your name to "Whyd Lode", "Wide Load", and then walk down an unadopted country lane not suitable for trucks. If you are taken into hospital, and they are rushing you into casualty, they will warn people that they are taking a wide load.
*
If you are a Christian change your name to "Say Ten", people will walk up to you and ask if you are Satan, you will Reply with "that is terribly offensive and a cheap shot at my religion".
*
Change your name to "Alias" and people will never know what your alias is.

100 ways to freak out a bank from the inside
Say "Everybody be cool, this is a robbery"*
*
Say "Wide green load coming through and no I'm not Shrek"
*
Say "Officer put that gun down it's just a robbery"
*
Say "It's not as if you're going to use this money for anything"
*
Buy a plastic gun and walk into a branch of Barclays and say
"I'd like to make a withdrawal"
*
Hover over somebody's shoulder and say "Oh that's my PIN number too!" - at the cash machine.*
*
Shout to everybody "Hey Everybody, this trip to the bank was worthless,
what you're going to be withdrawing is cold, invisible money, look forward to spending
it on nothing"
*
"I'm taking the father of our country back home" - stealing
*
Point your fully loaded BB gun at the security guards head
*
Say to the security guard "Have you got any backup waiting because I'm planning on doing a robbery"
*
Come in dressed as Bonnie & Clyde and smile at the CCTV.
*
Come in dressed as Father Christmas complete with his big red sack with a dollart sign on it and a wrapped up AK47.
And then say "It's Christmas Day everybody"
*
Get a job as a bank teller and make money for the bank by doing a robbery in reverse, by pulling an AK-47
on the first customer.
*
Blow out the lights in a bank with a shotgun and then pull out a large red candle with the word
"Dynamite" on it.

100 ways to get terminalised in an airport
Say "Oh my god, that's a bomb" and point to your own suitcase.*
*
Say to the airport manager "The next flight you go on will be a way one way ticket to hell"
*
Light one up near the no smoking sign and flick your butt towards a jet engine.
*
Attempt to deliver yourself on the plane as luggage.
*
Write the word "Contraband" across your suitcase with a big fat marker pen. Place inside your suitcase pictures
of different airports with a cross through them.
*
Hold up a Burger King restaurant at an airport with a fully loaded double barrel shotgun.
Kick the security guard in the balls.
*
Hold up a bottle of petrol in one hand and a lighter in the other, when questioned just tell them that
you want to transport them to Afghanistan to re-unite them with your car and cigarettes. Don't be surprised
if you're wearing a lot more orange from now on.
*
Start preaching Islam on the terminal floor by speaking very loudly and frisbeeing qu'rans at passers by.
*
Say to the security officer "If I use this bomb now, it'd probably be wasted on your fat ass!"
*
Ask at the kiosk, "have you got any flights to kingdom come?"
*
Nonchalantly read a book with the title "Terrorism for Dummies" in the waiting area, and point
to a word in the book asking a security guard what it says.
*
If you are late, try to run onto the plane, when stopped elbow the security guard out of the way.
*
Walk into the airport with clothes that have a 9-11 design on each layer, when they inevitably strip
search you they will reveal your 9-11 underpants.
*
Get so drunk you end up being kicked off the wrong plane because you haven't been able
to tell Miami from San Francisco in your stupor.

100 ways to humiliate Street Residents
Grafitti over the street name signs;
AREA 51
AVERAGE AVENUE
BRICK WALL VIEW*
BULLDOZED FIELDS
CAR ON ROAD
CAN YOU DRIVE (Once you have
grafittied the sign build a brick wall on the main road they'll be passing
so that they purposefully crash when they look at the sign)
CLOSE CLOSE
CRAPPY CRESCENT
CRAP RECEPTION CRESCENT
DANGER DRIVE
DEATH IS CLOSE
DEATH ROW
DON'T DRIVE
DRINK DRIVE
ECSTASY HIGH ROAD
EDGE CLIFF
END OF THE ROAD
FAR CLOSE
GRIMY GROVE
HOMELESS HOUSES
LOIS LANE
LOST LANE
LOW HIGH ROAD
NEEDLE POINT
NO POINT
NOT CLOSE
NO WAY
POLLUTION PLACE
RACIST ROAD
ROAD ROAD
RUBBISH ROAD
SHARP DROP HILL
SMALL LANE
SPEED CAMERA SPEEDWAY
STEEP HILL
STRANGE STREET
STREET STREET
WHICH WAY

100 ways to be thinner than size 0.
Go to a funfair and look into a hall of mirrors, to be successful at this game that is what you need
to look like that.
*
Go on a protest against all food and go on a permanent hunger strike
*
Become anorexic and make a Channel 4 documentary about yourself.*
*
Make your breakfast, tea & lunch toilet paper this should fill your stomach for a few seconds.
For the rest of the day you will be sliding down girders
*
Throw out all your weightwatchers and superslim food claiming its too fattenning.
*
Take on the diet of an average African, once every 4 months you can eat a bowl of rice as a luxury.*
*
If people ask why are you so thin, claim you had an argument with a steamroller driver.
*
Once you're successfully anorexic get a position with MI5 and now you will not be seen in enemy
headquarters when you turn to the side.
*
Lay under a 50 ton weight for an hour or so.
*
Get a job with the freak show in a circus. Make your act the disappearing person
which is every time you turn to your side, you're that thin.
*
Go on the strictest diet known to mankind, have a single cheerio for breakfast then throw it back up
and then don't eat a single thing more for the rest of the day.
*
If you are more than one stone go to weightwatchers and constantly make sure your weight is shrinking.
*
Become a Cannibal and make your sole diet parts of yourself which you'll eat and then throw beack up so that
gradually there'll be less and less of you.

100 Ways To Break Copyright
Everytime you buy a CD make as many copies of it as there are people you know. Make the copies so good that
they will think it is a gift of the original and not bother to buy it.
*
Glue a camouflaged camcorder to the wall of a cinema and everytime you go to the pictures
buy a camcorder tape and then it is simply a matter of pressing record and then eject two hours later to build
up your movie collection. To stop people going to the toilet and ruining your movies put
superglue on every seat except yours. Unfortunately though some might get wet.*
*
Go to the Library and borrow a range of games, CD's and movies. And then copy them and then return
the copied versions to the library. They won't know the difference between super hewlett packard printed
covers and the original which now sits on your shelf or on your Ebay auction.
*
Spend a year downloading every movie, music track and game iso known to man. Then buy a Blu-Ray writer
and a load of Blu-Ray blanks. Copy your massive collection on to them and then hire a hot air balloon
and rain the discs down on the town, give them each their own little parachute so they don't shatter
on contact with the cold hard ground.*
*
In the middle of the night break into the headquarters of a major record company
and install Limewire onto each of their computers and then download their own songs and the songs
of a rival record company so that they will be taken to court for illegal file sharing.
*
If you can't think of an idea for a novel take a book you like and paraphrase it all the way through
to release as your own work. It will be pot luck which one of you gets to sell film rights.
*
In the event that you can't contemplate the layout for a novel take a work you are already familiar with
and change the wording so that you can publish it as your own creation. It will be a lottery
as to who gets to licence it to moviemakers.
*
To make some money out of yourself, record a song and then upload it to the file-sharing networks,
illegally download it and then sue yourself, you'll make yourself rich and bankrupt.
*
Get a penknife and scratch off the copyright labels on your DVDs and CD's even if they are on the data side,
they may be unplayable now
but at least you won't be sued when you back them up.
*
Find out the address of a record company CEO and then post him CD-R's of his own companys repertoire.
*
Make a profit by selling copies of all your DVD movies and sell them in a car boot sale.
Dupe your buyers by them being copies of your movies which you have filmed by pointing your camcorder at the TV
of you watching them. The quality will be worse than looking through your grandads glasses.

100 Ways to pee off the Robots Sentience Rights Commission (RSRC)

Hot wire a robot to go on a complete rampage similar to that you would see in Grand Theft Auto.
*
Reset the heartbeat to around a 1000 beats per second, and then the robot will act like its just taken an "E".
Bad guys will become more airborne than they are beaten up.
*
If you're a surgeon who dabbles in electronics, bring a load of parts into the operating theatre and
replace peoples innards with robot parts. Back up their brains to USB flash drives and copy their
best ideas. Insert a metronome into their hearts and put a tap on their bladders, for which the cold tap
acts as a piss release. Put a sennheiser microphone into the ears and a Sony HD Camera into the eye sockets,
but swap the colour inputs around. Advise them never to attempt to use traffic lights again.
*
Get your prized robot to work in the kitchen to do all the chores you used to hate including
washing the dishes forgetting the fact that electronics don't mix with water. Your dishes might go a bit up in the air
thanks to the fact that the robot is doing the work with a bit of a spark behind him.
*
On the same lines employ a robot as a lifeguard at a beach.
*
Make a service robot that does excercise for you instead of you having to do excercise
and stay fit, get it to run in the rain while you're legs are going rusty from being TV exposure so will its.
*
Ship your robot to a foreign country with a different voltage configuration to be charged, he will
be charged 50 miles into the air.
*
Detatch a robots head in replacement for your soft old football this will be much easier to kick and
then the robot will be too dizzy to know how to get you back. If you want to damage it further use it
as a basketball, if you get to the net try to throw it in. Tough luck for the robot that the practise ground
is made of concrete.
*
Program a robot to unsuccessfully commit suicide every day, the only problem is the parts will get worn out quicker.
*
Enter your servant robot into Robot Wars even if the tournament starts whilst he's doing the dishes.
*
Create a Jetsons style rivalry by buying a new service robot 10 times better than your current one.
But you might be peed off yourself when you find that your new robot smashes dishes ten times as quickly.
*
If you ever want your robot to stop working because its too busy and noisy for you,install
Microsoft Windows on it.
*
Make your robot sit there all day and do nothing but project movies in front of you, you'll soon find it
becoming fat and lazy feed it fatty oils.
*
Open up the robot and swap the circuitry of the feet and hands. Soon it will be kicking the dishes out
of the sink.
*
Change your robots voice box to play your Ipods soundtrack. The only problem is if it's a Microsoft
robot it won't play your illegal downloads.
*
Try to feed your robot PS3 discs hoping that it will accept and play them and watch it regurgitate them
like a toaster. After you've found that it does so rip off its head and try to use its eyes and nose
as buttons and its ears as L1 and R1 buttons.

100 Ways to ruin a classical concert.
If you're a pianist play the piano with your hands in your pockets, soon you will only be
single note capable. Which will be even more so when a member of the audience finally loses patience
and slams the piano down on your hand.
*
Break into the concert hall in the dead of the previous night and detune the pianos, and then wait to hear
the cacophony the next day.
*
Sneak into the auditorium ten minutes before the concert is due to begin and replace the music sheets with the Backstreet
Boys Greatest Hits, for the audience it'll be the most expebsive Backstreet Boys concert they've ever been to.
*
Open the piano up and tie all the strings together so that they snap at the merest hint of a Middle C.
*
Replace the fine wines and chardonnays on sale in the lobby with Popcorn. So they end up throwing popcorn at an unfortunate
opera singer who misses a middle c due to the fact that the piano is tied up.
*
Record the concert as an Mp3 and play it back a minute later people will think there's a delay in the instruments.
*
Hire a ventriloquist as a conductor.
*
Buy a noise cancelling unit and sit in the centre aisle, soon it won't be just the noise that's cancelled it
will be the whole concert.
*
Add an 0 to the admission price, no wait, that won't put hardly anyone off.
*
Hire bouncers for the entry and the toilets.
*
Make a dress code that bans formal dinner wear and posh suits so that only chavwear will be suitable.
This will mean a practically zero attendance.
*
Go on stage in the middle of it and copy bands you've seen previously who wreck their equipment at the end of the show like The Who. But do it prematurely, the £60 concert goers will be having to avoid flying trumpets.
*
Drill a hole below the instrumentalists and watch the music slow to a stump. Leave only the vocalists who will now be acapella but they soon won't have anything to sing to.
*

COMING SOON 100 Ways To Make An Unhappy Home and Completely Sloth out.

Bring a mistress home with you when you knock off work and then shout at your wife about why she
hasn't made a third dinner for your new girlfriend. If you think this is sexist reverse
the genders for the woman.
*
Get a knife and cut out all the carpets in the house and disconnect the water and gas at the mains or alternatively
blacklist yourself at the utilty companies.
*
Don't feed the cats and dogs for a week soon all you'll hear in the house is a cacophony of miaows and barks at different
pitches.
*
Visit the estate agents whilst your spouse is out, and bring home a for sale sign.
Sell the house behind your spouses back and pocket the money from the sale.

Set up your computer and TV around the front door so that you can phone a pizza delivery and get it posted
into your lap. You won't have to even get up, don't be surprised if you wake up in the afternoon with final
demand letters in your lap.
*
When you go to the Job Centre take a valium so that you'll be absolutely incapable of work.
*

100 Ways to make Pets go wild

Slam Paracetamol tablets around your kitchen and soon your pets won't have any
headaches any more.
*
Spread Crack Cocaine around your living room and kitchen floor ready for your pets to sniff,
if you have a dog, leave an ecstasy tablet on the floor and soon you will have a dog that is
10 times more pleased to see you.
*
Get a fish tank complete with a goldfish with Alzheimers, it won't even remember what's water and
what's tank.
*
If you have a rottweiler place its food dish directly below the mail slot on the front door and make
7.30am feeding time, which is also post time.
*
During the world Cup, place your countries flag on your dogs tail and get it excited.
*
Train your parrot to say rude phrases and then when you piss it off it will
start cursing at you.
*
Go into a betting store and place a wager on your favourite greyhound, go down to the track
and place valium into the mouths of your least favourite ones.
Similarly stand in the crowd at a horse race meeting armed with a tranquiliser gun and send off the all the horses you
considered losers at the betting shop for a bit of a sleep.
*
Instead of getting cats as pets, put a sign around your house with the word Zoo on. And then get some Lions
and Tigers and feed them by buying 10 times as much cat food.
*
Go to Australia and attempt to take a crocodile home with you as a pet.
If you successfully manage it use the crocodiles mouth to mow your lawn.
You will probably have to wear a crocodile suit in your own home for the rest of
the crocodile's lifespan to avoid becoming part of it.
*
Go to the airport, find your favourite celebrity and take them in a cat cage as a pet.
*
If you plan on buying a pet cheetah anytime soon, it will need daily excercise so take it out and drive
on the M6 everyday, even the most reckless speeders will have difficulty keeping up. Soon speed
camera snaps will also be classed as wildlife photography.
*
Design the wheels of your bike to hold a hamster or gerbil run and then sit back
whilst they run you around on the bike.
*
If you have a person round the house that you find annoying take your dog out during the monsoon like rain
only for it to come in and turn into a living fountain in front of said annoying human. Soon they will smell
just like the dog does. And then when they ask where the bath is point them in the direction of the dogbath.
*
If you're a gardener in the autumn if you are asked to clean up leaves, chuck a couple of
thousand ants on the floor and watch your minimum wage job get done in a couple of seconds.
*
In your pet squirrels daily dosage of nuts, include a Viagra pill soon it will be nuts
for a different type of sustainance, female squirrels who will be made to go nuts.

100 Ways to Mix Games With Each Other.

Snap a Final Fantasy title and glue it to fragments of a Grand Theft Auto disc, stick it into the nearest PS2.
Instead of a wanted level you will be facing random battles every time the cops chase you for the slightest
misdemeanour, if you get shot you can use a phoenix down to revive yourself.

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