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CELEBRITIES  - why they've got the edge on plebs!

In other words why you're a pleb and celebrities are infinitely superior.
If you never made it, here's a page that should make you feel loads better.
because celebrities feel good all the time, they don't need any re-assurance,
while you feel crap because you are crap, you're just feeling the facts.*
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*We couldn't be any more frank than that and here's why. Forgot the class system, you can be in any class you like, Working, Upple or Middle, but there'll always be one of two categories, *the nobody and the somebody, you're either worth something or not and here's the reason why the nobody is out of the league of the somebody. *And where Nobody gets it's name from.*

THE REASONS
Celebrities have an imagination and have actually written the music, acted the part, sang the track you are listening to. You rely on entertainment for a diversion from your dull life while the celebrities are entertainment. Celebrities create the work you listen to and watch, all you can ever do is watch or listen to somebody else's work, you could never create it, as creating entertainment is to intricately complex that only a few special chosen ones ever master it, so you'll never be anything to write home about, you're just one of the masses. Celebrities are
worth a 1000 of you.
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A Celebrity's autograph is immediately worth something, it would fetch a mint if it was listed on Ebay. When you sign something, it usually to sign your life away for a debtbuster loan, at this point of course your autograph isn't worth the paper it's written on.  And while your mortgage is continually going up because of inflation, causing you to live in smaller and smaller houses, celebrities have invested their money and they're getting bloated by inflation, and need a map to be printed by their estate agent to find their way around their new mansion.
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Celebrities don't have to pass their driving test because they can hire a chauffeur, you have to sit their on your test hoping that you'll become famous like Maureen from Driving School by getting an entry into the Guinness Book Of Records about your amount of test failures.
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Celebrities can enter any pub or club and get treated like royalty, if the bouncer of a nightclub doesn't take a shine to you, you can get treated like you just spat on royalty.
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You watch TV to escape from real life, celebrities actually appear on TV and get to escape from real life. They don't have a real life, their life is too
good to be described as "real".
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If a celebrity didn't enjoy what they were doing they could just quit, try something else or move on, you would lose your house, or any other loan secured on it.
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A celebrity never needs to use public transport, they can leave anywhere at will, while you stand around getting hardrained on until as and when the bus company feel like arriving.
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If a celebrity appears on radio it is a rare opportunity to see the inside the mind of a figure the public holds close to its heart, if you appear on radio, you'll get busted for illegal broadcasting.
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If you are interviewed for TV, most of your dialogue is heavily edited and they cut to the chase, but when a celebrity is interviewed however it is seen as an "exclusive" and is often later released on DVD.
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Celebrities are hunted down by obsessive fans, if anyone bothers to hunt you down, it's because you owe them money or they want to punch you.
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Your family can't even be bothered to watch your newly shot holiday video, but when they hear Robbie Williams is on ITV they instantly flip the channel.
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If one of a celebrities possessions breaks they can just go out and buy a new one, if one of yours breaks you have to claim on the insurance, and get treated with Al-Qaeda like suspicion as to whether you are trying to do the insurance company over.
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Most celebrities have a voice that people like to hear the audio of, if you raise yours you get told to keep quiet we're trying to watch the TV, there are celebrities on the TV they aren't dancing out your voicebox unless you are a wannabe Rory Bremner, but that line of work is taken.
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Celebrities win awards at major award ceremonies all the time, but the only accolade you have to your name is "employee of the month".
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If a major natural disaster was ever to occur in your area, local celebrities would be airlifted out first and you would have to find your own way.
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Celebrities often have gardens the size of a small english county, you on the other hand filed a neighbour dispute when your neighbour put up a new fence an inch to the left.
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At your funeral the priest struggles to remember the details of your life while he spends his spare time reading the biographies of famous celebrities.
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Celebrities are famous for being known, but you're only known for wanting to be famous.
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Celebrities are often successful in business, you're only successful because someone else is successful in business, ie your employer.
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All those celebrities must wear out the treasury printing all those banknotes, but you're the only reason why there are still denominations of 1p and 2p.
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Celebrities often have an entourage, and if you got a position in one that's the closest you'd get to a celebrity.
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Celebrities get paid to be themselves and have a personality, you get paid to shut up and get on with your work.
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If a celebrity releases a single it usually makes the top 10, even if they are primarily non-music, yours would flop outside the top 40.
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Celebrities appear on I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here and some want to leave while you would prefer to stay in the spotlight, because you're not a celebrity.
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Celebrities can sue anybody that rubs up them the wrong way and slap them with a defamation suit, you have to write a letter to the local paper.
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If a Celebrity runs out of money, they phone up their agent, you have to claim benefits and show up at a job centre every 2 weeks, someone like Madonna doesn't have to get out of bed for £10,000.
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When celebrities appear on tv they get laughs, but the only time you'd get laughed at would be your appearance on "You've Been Framed".
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You read about celebrities in magazines, the only time they read about you is when you get arrested for a serious crime.
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Some celebrities appear on TV every day, but the only TV you've most likely appeared on is CCTV, and if a celebrity was spotted walking down your local high street, the guards would actually
bother monitoring them.
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Celebrities never have neighbours they don't like because they can afford to move, you however can hear your neighbour's toast pop up.
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If you want to buy something worth more than your income, you have to watch Daytime TV to find a good loan company, celebrities get on the phone to their
agent and then on down to Selfridges.

If you need any more reasons, you're even less likely to become a celebrity
Just another hint, Celebrity means a person who is celebrated, now consider your life for a second.
Do you feel like celebrating?

The guest writer on GOODLAUG.COM does not necessarily equate with GOODLAUG's opinions & ethos.