GOODLAUG.COM - Job Application

Application to work in a bowling alley

Personal details
Surname
Forename(s)
Address
Post Code
No they're personal!

You're Next Of Kin
Name: Next Of Kin
Relationship: My next of kin.
If You are not a british citizen or from the EEC do you need a work permit to work in Britain?
If Yes please provide evidence
I don't think I need one.

How far do you live from the unit
South Africa.

How will you get to and from work.
By private plane.

How did you hear about the job?
I heard about it on the grapevine.

Have you worked for a tenpin bowling alley before? YES/NO
if 'YES' In which units.
Yes, in New York City, Tenpin was an organised crime boss.
Dates from: 4 Sep 1999 and To 5 Sep 1999.
Reason for leaving. Tenpin got shot.

Can You work during bank holidays, yes or no?
When can you start work? When can you start employing me?
How many hours do you wish to work a week? 168 - I'll have to work for a week?!
Can you work extra hours during school/college holidays? Yes/No

Medical History
Please give details, with dates, of any serious illness, operations, accidents or disabilities:
I've been fine, I had a cold during the cold war.

Have you ever suffered from, or been a carrier of, any infection or disease likely to cause food poisoning?
Yes/No  - I don't get food poisoning, I avoid food.

Please specify availability
Mon/Tue/Wed/Thu/Fri/Sat/Sun
Time from and to 00.00-00.00

Previous employment
Where have you worked before, and why do you want to work here?
Previous job.
 Dates from and to.
 Job Title & Duties.
 Reason for Leaving
1. McDonald's, Birkenhead
 Sep 1999-Sep 1999
 Burger Flipper, I was in charge of customer liason.
 I was paid half the minimum wage.
2. Insurance salesman, Fort William, Highland
 Jan 1998-Dec 1999
 Sales Representative
 I sold time-share holidays instead of insurance.
3. Merchant Banker, Singapore Feb 1954-Mar 1997 Bank Clerk
 They found out that I took my work home with me.


Hobbies & interests
What do you do outside work, if of course we give you the time.
Please detail your hobbies, interests or membership of clubs and societies.
Looking for a job 24/7, going to the job centre the minute it opens.

General education and training
How educated are you, will you be requiring any training?
School/College/University/Private Academy attended.
 Dates From
 Dates To
 Subjects Studied
 Examination results achieved/and any other accolades.
Sweet Valley High
1948
 1952
 GCSE Astrology
 A
North Cheshire College
 1953
 1958
 GCSE Biology
 B
Military School
 1960
 1960
 GCSE Discipline
 D
Unversity Of Life
 1960
 Present
 GCSE English
E


References
Are you a reputable person, we might contact one of your referees listed below and attempt to find out.
Ideally a reference should be provided by a person or persons who are objective, and are not likely to favour you unfairly, your previous employers would be the most suitable.
Reference
Present Employer: Megabowl
Name/Position Recently dismissed
Address: Somewhere in a retail park, look for one with a McDonald's
Telephone No. 01513553555.
Have You Ever Been Convicted Of A Criminal Offence? YES/NO
If Yes please give full details under the Rehabilitation Of Offenders Act 1974, spent convictions need not be declared.
I didn't declare my convictions to my previous employer because they weren't spent yet,  but all I will say is that I took part in a robbery at a bowling alley but haven't spent the money as I forgot to nick the till.

Equal Opportunities.
Depending on how equal you are, you may be entitled to equal opportunities. If you are in a minority ethnic group we will treat you equally, if  you are part of a mainstream race it would be unfair
to give you preferential treatment which is better than that offered to ethnic minorities, such as the same level of pay for example.

What Is Your Ethnic Origin?
Are You?
White European
White Other
Black African
Black Carribean
Black Other
Indian
Pakistani
Bangladeshi
Chinese
Consider yourself a racist.
Other eg Japanese or Martian, please indicate below
As Michael Jackson once said it doesn't matter if you're black or white, what matters is whether is whether you could eat your dinner off the bowling lane.

Sex
Male
Female
Other

Marital Status
Single
Married
Divorced
Separated
Widowed
Priest
Nun
Bigamist.

Declaration
I confirm the information on this application is fair and accurate and to the best of my knowledge, completely tree and free of any obvious horseshit and baloney that you find
on stacks and stacks of job applications that arrive from the same applicants daily?
Yes/No/Rather Not Say

Signature

Work in an Off Licence

Back to GOODLAUG