News Story
After a recent court appearance by London DJ Simon Evans has inspired
local neighbours and residents to anger.
In the magistrates court, the court failed to reclaim Mr Evans'
broadcasting equipment or slap an injunction on his deafening nightly radio
station which has undermined the quality of local residents' lives. And
if that wasn't enough Mr Simon Evans has now erected a 1.8 Metre motorised
satellite dish on the roof of his house.
Around the area surrounding Neighbours FM, the local residents are
planning vigelante action and have brought in amongst others professional
wrestlers to their aid. A meeting was championed in the local town hall,
and the hall was pagged out with hundreds of supporters. The media were
not allowed to attend the meeting, but it is believed from the testimony
of internal sources that the group was planning vigilante action which
would contravene the law.
One resident Mr Shawhill claimed "A local corner shop has completely
sold out of baseball bats"
another proclaimed "another resident I won't name is designing his
car with bull bars in a forthcoming attempt at another ram raid to the
property of Simon Evans. The story continues we will bring you the latest.
The outraged postbag to the paper
The first letter is from a Mr Edward Stourhill who
lives close.
"I have followed the court case with interest, however it is a verdict
which has left me with little or no faith in our justice system. As we
have no real noise legislation, the court had little to throw at Evans,
even though the judge really wanted to.
However his erecting a colossal satellite dish may prove to be his
undoing, as it directly contravenes local planning laws, I have heard that
the dish in addition to receiving TV Broadcasts from the Middle East, will
be used as a transmitter for the station. I have heard on the grapevine
that Evans is applying for an RSL off the Radio Authority in addition to
the internet broadcasts after the positive outcome of his case, but upon
tuning my Denon SQR747 FM tuner at 4AM when I had nothing better to do,
I discovered Neighbours FM broadcasting pirate. I decided to report this,
because any further illegal activitiy will get the authorities' backs up.
This situation of noise at night and a legal system powerless to do anything
about could only exist in Britain. Down with capitalism"
Editor - "Your views are based on hearsay and are not much use
to our readers. Your letter is mainly crap, also your political motivations
are not welcome here, this has regretfully caused me to ban any further
letters from you to the paper. The paper's auto letter shredder will now
activate upon detection of your name".
The next letter is from a Samuel Underhill.
"I run a nursery class close to the location of Neighbours FM, and
children who come from that street come in each morning bleary eyed. When
asked why they didn't get much sleep they just reply with the jingle from
Neighbours FM. One lives so close that the transmissions resonate in his
watch. The magistrata at the local court did not consider the broader social
aspect of Mr Simon Evans' activities. Though I normally to Radio 4 and
watch Question Time every thursday, I will be one of the local activities
ready to drive my car into Evans' wall".
Editor -"Discussion of illegal activities is not permitted here,
however your useful slant on the affect on the area's children, has meant
that I decided to publish. However in future any letters we receive marked
"Samuel Underhill" will be used to light the office fire".
Another letter, it comes from the street's oldest resident
Hilary Jacques (102)
"I am 102, and so as a consequence don't have any hearing, however
my sense of touch has not declined in my winter years.
In my bed at 2AM on a night of broadcast the bed shakes like it
was in Kobe, Japan at the time of an earthquake.
I have never wanted to live in an old folks home, as I took part
in the London Marathon every year until I was 93, but now anything to get
away from that monster Evans".
Editor - "Why did you write here, what made you think that we
or our readers would be interested in that, Next time write Help The Aged
or Age Concern, but be warned even they might be getting a life soon"
More News from the Sun.
Police in what was formerly a sleepy North London suburb are now
being issued riot gear, in their possession has come CS Spray and Tear
Gas, because the street of Simon Evans is beginning to resemble an England
crowd in front of a group of turks.
The local residents surrounding the broadcasts of Neighbours FMhave
changed from quiet members of the rat race of suburbia to ubiquitous thugs
sporting baseball bats and spikes in their shoes. Tonight (Saturday) a
crowd is gathering outside Evans' home and he is in the process of barricading
himself in to prepare himself for the broadcast. Evans has personally threats
of violence and his postman reports Evans' mail being ripped from his bag
one morning by a crazed vigilante and strewn across the street. The anti-evans
crown fed up to the back teeth of his nightly broadcasts of Neighbours
FM that can be heard clearly half a mile away, a holding a vigil involving
a bonfire and an effergy of Evans and radios and walkmans being rituallistically
smashed down on the street. But if this wasn't enough, Neighbours FM hardcore
fans are also planning a demonstration to retain the radio station and
have already had clashes with police. Neighbours FM has fans across the
country, and the pro evans and pro neighbours fm brigade have come down
to london on coaches and buses, some of them have claimed to be armed.
The use of the word uproar might not be enough to describe the clashes
of this group and the residents..
The story continues... stay tuned for more.