Out for only £34.99, you can play one of the most challenging, brow-beating, near impossible games ever. You thought you had it bad with Kuru Kuru Kururin, well now, in Temper Advance you get to control a plane containing copious amounts of gelegnite through labyrinth levels of twists & turns, avoiding pitfalls and bombs, if you complete this game, you earn the right to call yourself a videogamer.

Mr S Goady from Cornwall writes
I can't fuckin' believe it, the first level is like World 10 on Kuru Kuru Kuruin, you have to guide the plane through a narrow twisting hallway while you are being shot out and having arrows fired at you and being surrrounded 360 degrees by enemies. You die in one hit, usually half a second after starting the level. What gives, I want my money back. You have been responsible for a broken Game Boy Advance. I was playing near concrete at the time, and I flung my Game Boy Advance against the post. I then took the cartridge out and stamped on it, until it broke into more than 100 pieces, and then I sprayed acid on the ground where the pieces were. I don't believe anyone has completed it.
How can we give you your money back if the cartridge has returned to the earth from whence it came, or returned to atoms in your case. You are a class A moron, of course people have completed it there are FAQs on our web site, detailing how to pass the levels. It's because they have skill and you suck, sounds like you need to go back to playing the Postman Pat CD-ROM.

Mr James Cagney from Walsall.
Fuck You, losers, the FAQs on your god damn site don't work, they say spin round to the second wall and then hold all the buttons down by force, but when I do, not only do I lose a life, but all my save game data. Can you really complete this game, I have only survived for 2 seconds in the first level and that's a record, I've also noticed something odd about the batteries while playing this game, a brand new set of batteries goes to the red light on the gameboy advance after just 10 minutes of play and the cartridge seems to be designed so that you have to really yank it to get it out. Also sometimes the power button becomes disabled after the insertion of Temper Advance and stays on even after you remove the cartridge.
These are features to enhance the game, and to <<cough>> eliminate the competition<<cough>>, we thought it's be easier if Temper Advance was difficult to remove you would give up trying to remove the game, and try to beat it. You have to buy Temper Advance batteries to get the game to last longer. Temper Advance automatically runs down competitors batteries.

Office of Fair Trading finally investigates uncompletable games.
You may have often thought in the past that particular games you have played on were uncompletable, almost impossible, and they sometimes took you nearly a year to complete. Well what if the game really was uncompletable and not only that was actually designed to be impossible, one game it has come to light in a scandal that has rocked the gaming world tried to do just that. Temper Advance for the Game Boy Advance was a game so sophisticated, so fiddly, and so intense that it was impassable. The player twists and turns with a plane carrying explosives through levels with enemies firing constantly, turns so awkward it would make Central London traffic look like the scottish highlands. The company behing Temper Advance, Impossisoft is accused of posting fake FAQs and strategy guides onto websites detailing how to complete the game, even running a competition for those who could send proof of completion in which players could win a PC. The players had to register with a premium rate phone line for this competition, and obviously no-one has won it. Impossisoft may be permanently out of the game, for falling foul of the trades description act, ie a game that can be finished. And to add insult to  injury the game deviosuly ran down players batteries and diabled their power buttons, and the cartridges were designed to get stuck in the Game Boy Advance meaning that many players who weren't very fit and had weak hands couldn't prize it out. The only thing that can be finished now will be impossisoft's backwater estate's offices which are due to be ransacked by trading standards officers on Monday. The remaining batch of temper advance cartridges are to be smashed by customs & excise hammers next week. They had previously been priced £34.99 and had jammed up many in store game boy advances., due to the triangular grip design of the cartridge.

Rom of Temper Advance circulating the internet with a virus attatched.
The infamous Temper Advance has hit the emulation scene, a rom has finally been hacked by a programmer willing to risk his expensive ripping equipment with the cartridge. It has begun appearing on countless illegal emulation sites, with the official version of the game now illegal in the UK and the game's creators incarcerated, it is now legal to distribute the rom. However seething former Impossisoft executives are rumoured to have dispatched a zipped version of the rom complete with a deeply malicious virus. So far people running Temper Advance on emulation have had no other problems other than their PC crashing the second the game loads or naturally not being able get more than a millimetre in the game without getting game over. However now unwitting downloadees have had their hard drives wiped when they tried to run the rom, and now the emulation world is in uproar. Do not download Temper Advance as former Impossisoft executives are believed to be coding the virus directly into the rom as well as the zip, and will include an exe which will install spyware and make 1 GHZ PC's run like a 486.

Temper Advance ROM facts
File size: 8'192 MB
when zipped 7'997 MB
Virus facts,
First copies itself to all addresses in your outlook express address book, then opens an internet site and uploads the virus to another user. Then it activates 0 minutes later by wiping C:/, and destroying the DOS partition. Useful if you're sick of your files and want to delete them forever, however it corrupts your hard drive to an extent where Windows will never install again, in fact you'll only see a black screen, witn a red box containing the name of the virus Temper Tantrum.

Back to GOODLAUG